therapy for perfectionism | self-criticism, people-pleasing, overdoing
For the persistent pressure to do and be more
It looks like you have it all together, but inside it feels like it’s never enough.
Do you relate?
As soon as you reach one goal or milestone, it’s onto the next. Never a moment to catch your breath or celebrate your “win.” It doesn’t even feel like a win because there’s always more ways to grow and improve. Perfectionism sneaks its way into everything you try to do. It’s:
Feeling like a failure even over smallest mistake
Polishing tasks until you’re satisfied, or just exhausted
Taking on too much because others won’t do it “right”
Shrinking away from, or not believing, compliments
Not wanting anyone to catch you slipping—ever
It’s like you’re wearing a mask of competence while secretly questioning every move you make. You can’t risk being seen as flawed, so you keep up the facade and the pressure builds. There’s no end in sight because the goal post keeps moving. It’s exhausting and demoralizing.
sound about right?
Struggling with constant self-criticism
Tired of trying to keep it all together
Wishing you could appreciate successes
Ready to stop feeling like it’s not enough
I’m in this with you.
You get to decide when enough is enough.
You don’t have to keep chasing moving goal posts, doing everything on hard mode, and avoiding mistakes at all costs. You can enjoy creating things, instead of picking them apart the whole time. You can step back and admire your accomplishments. And you can take off the mask and find out that it’s safe to “fall apart,” because your people are there, and they actually do care.
getting there
Honoring what’s already good, even if you aspire for more.
Feeling not enough is a normal human experience, not a sign that something’s wrong with you. But your brain wants you to be happy all the time; it’s a fixer. So when “problems” like unpleasant feelings arise, it sends you searching for things to blame and control. You look outward for signs that you’re okay and good. You start assessing and comparing how aesthetic your home is, your certifications, your political involvement. And boy, isn’t there an endless number of ways you’re not measuring up? Your brain never reaches an endpoint because there isn’t one. You don’t feel good enough because you’re looking outside for evidence that doesn’t exist.
It isn’t actually hopeless. You’ve always had value. It’s not something you have to feel sure about, or prove. I know you know this on some level already. You just have to get good at noticing when your mind tries to hijack a good thing with its faulty problem-solving pattern, and divest your attention. That’s where I come in. I have lived this pattern all my life. Recovering from perfectionism isn’t a place you arrive one day, and never look back. It’s an ongoing practice and it helps tremendously to have a space to develop the skills with support and understanding. The ambitious woman in me sees and honors the ambitious woman in you.
real talk:
You’ve been grinding too hard for too long, not to feel good about it. I want to help you count your wins.
the skills you’ll build
Not another self-improvement strategy.
01 defusion
Part of therapy for perfectionism is recognizing rigid rules and self-judgments, and deciding when to listen, and when to demote them to background noise.
02 Acceptance
You’ll learn to slow down and feel hard feelings like insecurity, shame, and doubt, until they shift naturally, rather than over-performing to bypass them.
03 valued living
In therapy for perfectionism, you reflect on what really matters to you. Your values become a more flexible guidepost with useful data, not just “good” or “bad.”
you set the bar and the rules
You don’t have to feel like enough to begin acting like it.
still curious?
FAQs
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That’s a scary thought! And I’d be surprised if you weren’t thinking it. You’ve been operating at a high standard for a long time now, and it’s always served you well-ish. You’ve probably gotten praise, admiration, and a positive self-image (most of the time). Truthfully, the things you try out in therapy, like disobeying rigid rules or saying no sometimes, will have consequences; some will be positive, and some may hurt a bit. People won’t always respond favorably. You might not be seen as “the best” worker, or “most reliable” friend. And you might even experience more self-doubt for a bit. But these are growing pains. It’s all about experimenting and expanding, since perfectionism has made life narrow.
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Absolutely not. You don’t have to give up all your standards or aspirations. I believe healthy ambition is totally possible, and it’s yours to define. I usually find that underneath rigid rules and expectations are actual values that matter to you. Maybe you always cared about helping people, or were eager to learn. But at some point you noticed which things earned approval, and which didn’t. And since approval feels good, that became the thing to chase. Therapy will help you excavate your values, and put the focus back on what actually feels good to you. What would you do if nobody was watching? It might look the same from the outside, but inside you’re no longer grading yourself on “shoulds.” You’re living from your own self-knowledge and trust.
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Oh honey, I relate. It’s because these patterns started way before you were consciously aware of them, and they extend beyond you. It has a bit to do with how we’re wired as humans. It’s adaptive to be valued and liked by others. And also, you were born into a society with norms and ideals for who and what is seen as valuable. You may have had to work harder to get the same opportunities or resources others got simply because society was built around people like them. In a society that equates output with value, your perfectionism feels protective. It was never your fault. The thing is, it’s also costing you. The roots are deep, but we can still mend them.